zondag 1 januari 2017


I was always looking for something that I couldn't define. Living towards something. Trying to improve for something. I think it's a natural feeling for a student to have: I'm on my way.

Changing from student life to working life was a bit of a shock for me. Time got an entirely different meaning and every routine I was used to was shaken up. As a student, I got to divide my own time. But when I started working, my days suddenly looked like this: I got up, went to work, did groceries, cooked, ate and then went to bed again. With the new life that came with my job also came a sort of listlessness. Because what do you look for when you've reached the thing you always lived up to?

That 'thing' I always looking for though, might not have really been a thing. It was just me, filling up my ample spare time with daydreaming and pondering about adult life and all its possibilities. My writing was always about my progress in life, the things I was observing and learning in order to be a better person. It was me, preparing myself for when my life would begin.

And if that beginning means getting a real job, my life began last summer. But, needless to say, life doesn't start with a job at all. I just always assumed it would. Because what else was there to work towards? I stopped writing, because what would I write about? I became indifferent and uninspired and I really didn't know what life actually meant to me anymore.

I'm a little bit slow with getting used to things I guess. Because I'm six months in now and I'm  starting to see what working life entails. I think I found a new routine. I'm not looking for something as much anymore now, but rather I'm absorbing and developing the things that are already there. Time spent not working is precious time, so I use it to see the people I love, cook delicious meals, walk in the park, listen to music, read and play board games with my boyfriend. I've become a bit of a grandma, but I kinda like it :)

When I look back on the past year, I feel like I stood still. I was just so disenchanted with life that I ended up doing nothing. But I hope I will get to where I once was this year, only in a different context. I was always happiest when writing, so I want to start doing that again. I'm not sure about what I'll write, but I'll just start again and see what happens. Because even though I already have the job, there will always be things to keep looking for.

I wish you a very happy and wonderful new year. 
I hope 2017 will show us that love and kindness are stronger than fear and hate and that we can change for the better.

woensdag 28 december 2016

Tilt-shift, as we turn our heads
and try to wake up 
to a wish-upon world.